Nothing To Forgive
by Mononoke-hime x sukai kurora
Summary: Jayfeather had told his mother that there was nothing to forgive. What about his father, Crowfeather? Breezepelt and Nightcloud have becomes rouges, and when the two hate-filled cats attack them on the border, will Jayfeather's father defend him?
1. Chapter 1

_Nothing To Forgive_

It had been exactly a moon since the battle with the Dark Forest. Bramblestar had received his nine lives, and was officially ThunderClan's new leader. Squirlflight was his deputy, and every time when she spoke, ThunderClan was reminded of her father, Firestar, who had died in the battle with the Dark Forest. Purdy had declared that he was no longer a member of ThunderClan now that Mousefur had joined StarClan, and was going to be a loner again. ThunderClan was sad to see the likable elder go, including Molepaw, Cherrypaw, and Jayfeather himself, who had bore the brunt of Purdy's ceaseless stories. Jayfather had watched Bramblestar and Squirlflight carefully. He wanted to see if there would be romance kindled between the former mates, but there was none. Bramblestar may have forgiven Squirlflight for lying to him, but Jayfeahter suspected that neither of them were willing to fall in love again. _Love, _Jayfeather thought. The word meant so much to other cats, and yet the word sent tremors down his spine. It was love that caused a forbidden union between Leafpool, a medicine cat from ThunderClan, and Crowfeather, a warrior from WindClan. That union caused Jayfeather, Lionblaze, and Hollyleaf to be born in a web of lies, deceit, and pain. Lionblaze had finally gotten his love to accept him and his destiny. He and Cinderheart were now mates. Hollyleaf had died in the battle with the Dark Forest. Jayfeather had his position as a medicine cat again, and was now the most respect cat in the Clans. Yet something was missing.

Jayfeather still thought of what he said to his mother, Leafpool. _"There's nothing to forgive. You did what you thought was right." _He had hated Leafpool with every breath in his small body, as with Squirlflight and Crowfeather. Now he had forgiven them. He remembered when Lionblaze had told him that Breezepelt, their half-brother was about to kill him when Crowfeather intervened. _"He said that he didn't regret falling in love with Leafpool. He didn't regret anything." _Jayfeahter recalled how his brother's voice trembled with emotion. _"Crowfeather told Breezepelt that he didn't hate him, that his mother encouraged it. Breezepelt ran away, and then Crowfeather paid respects to Hollyleaf's body." _Lionblaze's voice faded as Jayfeahter recalled what Onestar had told the Clans at the last Gathering. Breezepelt and Nightcloud had become rouges, and he suspected that they haven't left the Clans yet. The leader warned that the two former warriors were highly dangerous, and wouldn't hesitate to kill a kit. Jayfeather felt Crowfeather tense at the mention of his mate and son, and felt his half-hidden memories. Jayfeather knew one thing. Crowfeather did not love Nightcloud. He still loved Leafpool.

He wanted to talk with his father. Crowfeather's sudden attitude to his half-Clan kits had startled Jayfeather, and he wanted to know what his father was thinking. Crowfeather had only revealed half of his feelings to Lionblaze and to wanted to know his father's true feelings about him, Hollyleaf, Lionblaze, Nightcloud, Breezepelt, and Leafpool. In order to tell him that, however, Jayfeather would have to talk to Crowfeather face to face. He would have to follow his father's dreams. Night was coming, Jayfeather could tell. The cries of excitement from Seedkit, Lilykit, Dewkit, Amberkit, and Snowkit had faded once the five kits disappeared into the nursery. He heard the soft meows of his Clanmates as they slept. Briarlight, his patient, was already asleep. Her calm breaths calmed his own breathing and mind. Soon Jayfeather found himself asleep, where he would follow Crowfeather's, his father's, dreams.


	2. Chapter 2

_Chapter Two_

Jayfeather closed his eyes and dreamed. It was the sense of hearing that he had first. He heard the soft wind blow, and the grass ring. He heard the faint paw steps of a cat, and immediately opened his eyes. He was in the moorland of WindClan, and his heartbeat became rapid, as if reminding him of his WindClan roots. With his eyes, he could see the sunset, beautiful with its colors of red, pink, orange, and yellow. _What is this? _Jayfeather wondered. He had suspected that Crowfeather would indeed dream of his home, but he thought that his father would dream about the forest. The lake had caused pain for his father. Why was he dreaming of the lake? What was he dreaming of?

A yowl of pain and fear echoed through Jayfeather's ears. He ran towards the sound, his blood pumping through his veins. His vision blurred, and the scream became more desperate as Jayfeather continued to run. Suddenly, his eyesight failed. He was blind again. The entire moorland was gone, black as night. A cool shiver ran through Jayfeather's body. It was as if he was stripped of his medicine cat duties again, without his fur and skills. The young tom was lost, only to be startled with another yowl of agony and despair. Jayfeather followed it with his five other senses; Crowfeather was near now, and then Jayfeather stopped short. His sight had awoken again, only this time he wished that he couldn't see.

A body of a cat was lying in a pool of blood. Dried blood stuck to it fur, while fresh blood dripped down onto the grass, staining like rubies. Entrails spilled from the cat's stomach. That was when Jayfeather looked at the cat's face. Leafpool. His breathing seemed to eradicate as he stared into his mother's still amber gaze. He couldn't breathe and he continued to hear his heart beat rapidly, trying in vain to preserve his life. Shakily, Jayfeather looked away. He slowly breathed again. Crowfeather was gasping, his eyes strangely unfocused. His paws suddenly buckled under him. Jayfeather's father was shaking from tail-tip to nose. _"No…"_ he gasped, oblivious to his son. _"Leafpool…" _he gritted his teeth to hold in a scream. Jayfeather could feel the agony pulsing through the older tom, and felt faint from all the thoughts and memories coming from him. _"You weren't…I was the one who was supposed to die…my mate…son…" _A strange feeling came upon Jayfeather. A cold breeze unruffled him, and then he saw. Beside the body of Leafpool was Jayfeather himself. The lifeless body was crisscrossed in scars, and his eyes were gone. All that remained were bloody sockets.

Crowfeather now stared at the body of his son. He spoke quietly, his former bitterness and anger gone when he spoke to him. "You once told me that despite being only an apprentice, I had the courage and skill to match many warriors. You told me that one day I might become a fine leader of WindClan." Now a scream escaped him. The agony and despair coating the scream nearly made Jayfeather faint. "But...how can I become a leader of WindClan when I couldn't save my _true _mate and son? I don't think I don't deserve to be the leader of WindClan. Don't you think…Deadfoot…?"

"Crowfeather," Jayfeather called out to him. Swiftly, Crwofeather's eyes met his own. Shock then relief escaped from them. He could feel the emotions coming off from him in waves. "Leafpool and I are alive," he said. "This…" his tail waved to the pool of blood; the bodies of Leafpool and Jayfeather had disappeared. "Is just an illusion."

"Every night since that battle, I've had dreams of you, Leafpool, and Lionblaze dead, killed in different ways, by _them_," Jayfeather's father added with venom. "Every night…" he faltered. "Every time I go to sleep I see my regrets and failures before my eyes." Sadness clouded his gaze. "I see you most of all," he added to Jayfeather.

"Meet with me," was Jayfeather's only response. "We need to talk, Crowfeather. I want to know why…why you treated us the way you did. I don't understand, and know that you still love my mother. This dream is evidence enough," he added. "Meet me tonight by the ThunderClan and WindClan border, where you met with my mother." Jayfeather paused and looked at his father. "I want to know why you acted like you hated us when you actually loved us."

Crowfeather nodded, and Jayfeather's world became black again.


	3. Chapter 3

_Chapter Three_

Jayfeather and Crowfeather were now at the ThunderClan and WindClan border. Neither of them spoke. As in the dream, the wind echoed in their ears, slightly ruffling their fur. A scent pulled Jayfeather's nostrils; it was sweet, with herbs and damp with the scent of trees. He sighed, recognizing the scent. It belonged to his mother, Leafpool. His father recognized her scent as well. Jayfeather could feel his claws scrape the grass, from anger or pain he couldn't tell.

"I never meant to fall in love with Leafpool." Jayfeather could feel his father's remorse tingling in his body. "I was still mourning…" Suddenly Crowfeather fell silent. Jayfeather knew that he couldn't say the name of the she-cat that had first taken his father's heart.

"You were mourning Feathertail," said Jayfeather calmly. He felt his father's surprise. "I know about her," Jayfeather cautioned. "Leafpool explained to me how broken you were when she died."

_"Broken?" _Crowfeather snarled. "I was _more _than broken. I felt as if the reason for living had gone from my useless body." A shudder escaped from him, and Jayfeather suddenly felt a flash from his memory. _"Feathertail…Feathertail…no! Don't leave me."_ He saw his father as a young tom, an apprentice at the time before the Great Journey. Grief and sorrow echoed in his eyes, and he struggled even to speak. Feathertail's voice was barely audible as she spoke to Crowfeather – then Crowpaw. The apprentice who would become his father wailed as his first love became still. Jayfeather gasped. It was the same wail as the wail in Crowfeather's dream! He lost his sight again as he heard Crowfeather's raw voice. "I thought I would never come home. I wanted to stay with her…forever. My Clan was destroyed, Jayfeather. My Clanmates, most of them, apprentices and elders, were now in StarClan, including my brother."

He met Jayfeather's sightless gaze. "His name was Jaypaw, and he was the only cat that understood me." Jayfeather felt a rush of emotions from his father, obscuring his own shock and disbelief. "Our father died before we were born, and Ashfoot wouldn't tell us who he was. She only told us that he was a brave, strong, and loyal warrior. She didn't spent much time with us, and so Jaypaw and I mostly raised ourselves. One time, we found out the truth about our father. He was the deputy of WindClan when he died, battling the Tigerstar and his followers. Ashfoot wouldn't speak of him because of her grief from his death. Tallstar told me that she loved Deadfoot more than life. I remember standing on the Great Rock at four moons old, vowing to my father that I would become a fine leader of WindClan that he had failed to become." Crowfeather fell silent, lost in his own thoughts.

"I don't think Leafpool knew about Jaypaw when she named you. I don't think anyone knew how close Jaypaw and I were, or how his death changed me. He was my only friend, and Jaypaw's death was like Feathertail all over again. I wanted to die. Only Leafpool with her kindness and sincerity saved me, Jayfeather. I felt angry at myself for falling in love again so recently after Feathertail's death. Then when she left me for her Clan…I felt betrayed. I felt like Feathertail's and Jaypaw's deaths had just happened! I hated her then for what she did to me! But the hatred didn't last." Jayfeather felt his father's voice soften. "I still loved her. I only took Nightcloud as a mate to prove my loyalty to WindClan. I tried to hate your mother, but I ended up falling more in love with her each time." Crowfeather snorted. "They didn't trust me, and I don't blame them. Nightcloud knew I didn't love her, and she nurtured that belief onto Breezepelt. Eventually, by the time the Dark Forest had risen, they both hated me with every breath in my body. They hated me more than you. They just wanted to hurt you, your brother, and your mother to hurt me. They both knew that your deaths would be more painful than my own."

"Does that mean that you loved us all along?" Jayfeahter prompted.

"I –" Jayfeather heard his father scraping the ground again. "Hide," he hissed to his son.

"What –" Jayfeather didn't get a chance to ask the question. Quickly, Crowfeather shoved him into a bush nearby. The leaves wafted through Jayfeather's nose, but he still smelled the reek of Breezepelt and Nightcloud.

"Have you come for me?" Crowfeather growled. Jayfeather could hear the tension in his voice.

"No, we've come for your medicine cat and the crow-food of a mate," Breezepelt growled. Jayfeather could easily envision his half-brother's hate in his eyes.

"We've only come for them, Crowfeather, not you." Nightcloud's voice was soft and sweet, but Jayfeather could feel the malice underneath her soothing balm. "We'll let you go if you let us through."

Jayfeather was surprised at the firmness of his father's tone. "I won't let you."

Breezepelt growled deep in his throat. "Then you will die!" He felt Breezepelt's sloppy charge as he ran towards their father.

Snarls and yowls echoed through Jayfeather's ears as Crowfeather and Breezepelt fought. He suddenly felt Nightcloud's sharp claws around his shoulders, and smelled her intoxicating scent. Jayfeather gagged, and with his strength, tried to unhook Nightcloud. It was useless as Nightcloud slashed his back with her claws. His resistance became weak as he felt Nightcloud drag his bleeding body out of the bush. "Stop now or he dies," she hissed. Jayfeather could feel her bloodied paw across his neck. He could hear Crowfeather's paws move away from Breezepelt, and felt his slight purr of satisfaction as he slashed Crowfeather's neck open.

"_No!" _Jayfeather yowled. He heard the sound of Crowfeather's body collapsing onto the ground, and his weak gasps as Breezepelt's satisfaction lingered in the air. Jayfeather felt himself overcome with rage, and broke free from Nightcloud's grip. He could see her now, without his eyes, her whiskers twitching in satisfaction. Using strength unknown to him until now, Jayfeather slashed his claws down her head and face. Warm blood coated his claws as he wounded Nightcloud. A haze of rage overwhelmed him. Blood trickled down onto the grass, and he felt it trickle on his own pelt. Nightcloud collapsed beneath him, and she shuddered. She lied still.

A scream of agony and hate echoed in his ears. Jayfeather could see Breezepelt's eyes, burning with hate and intent to kill. Before the rouge could, however, Crowfeather shakily stood on his four legs and clawed his elder son's stomach. Breezepelt gasped for breath as his intestines flowed out with blood. He screamed for mercy. He begged for Tigerstar. He vowed revenge. Then he died.

Jayfeather slowly walked over to Crowfeather. His father's breathing was labored, but Breezepelt's claws did not wound his airway. "Are you all right?" His tail gestured to his son's back wounds.

"I've faced worse," Jayfeather replied. "I'm glad they're gone," he confessed. He wouldn't look at the two bodies.

"They won't be able to hurt anyone anymore," added Crowfeather. "And to the answer to your question, I do love Leafpool, Lionblaze, and you. I love you three more than life."

Jayfeather paused. A rush of emotions overwhelmed him, and he calmed himself. Still, his voice quivered slightly. "I do believe you would make a fine leader of WindClan, Crowfeather."

Crowfeather was silent for a moment. Then he said, "Perhaps."


End file.
